i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize