i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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