You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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