He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
