I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
