we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
