He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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