Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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