it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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