is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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