I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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