Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
