My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
