roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize