I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
