thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
