these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
