Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
