nut hugger
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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