I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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