Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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