Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
