can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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