tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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