My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
