it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
