And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
