P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize