I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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