He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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