I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
