So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
