my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize