I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize