ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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