What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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