I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck appropriateness.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
