I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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