We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
