Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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