Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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