I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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