Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
