i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
