Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
