i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
