We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love having hate sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
