FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
