My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
