my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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