you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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