she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
