i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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