This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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