dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
