she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
