omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize