this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Randomize
