So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
