I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did I show you my penis last night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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