there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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