i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
