I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
