I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
