we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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