Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
