I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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