So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
