i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
