i think i have two assholes
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
