If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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