Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i will never coherently bang her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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