Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
