I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
