Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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