WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
