Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
