Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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