Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck appropriateness.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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