Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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