he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
