wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
