Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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