Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
