What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize