I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
either way he was missing a nipple.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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