her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
