Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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