so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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