Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
