So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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